By looking at the definition of happiness alone, one could come to the conclusion that there are two ways of approaching happiness in life.

  1. To learn how to change reality to fits our want.
  2. To learn how to change our wants to fit the reality.

A mix and match between the two approach is also possible. Either way both are ways of achieving happiness by synchronizing our wants and reality.

Why Our Common Approach of Happiness Makes Us Unhappy

The first approach is the common approach that we, humans, use to find happiness which is to do our best to change reality to fits our want.

There are two major fallacies in this approach to happiness:

1. Our want, if untrained, is ever-expanding in its demand of the reality.

When we are rich we want to be richer. When we see someone who is happy, we too want to be like them. When we see our friends succeed sometimes we can’t help but feel a sense of jealousy or inferiority. There is no end to our want. Imagine if there is a million of things that we want but have not achieved, then we have a million things that are unsatisfactory in our lives. That does not sounds like a good, happy, and fulfilling life. When we infinitely want things from the reality then we infinitely must suffer from our unending chase of happiness.

Could we demand the dead to come back to life? The obvious answer is no. Could we expect everyone to like us without being disliked? The answer is very unlikely. Even though we all know these facts but still our mind will not easily accept it. When someone talked behind our back, we become agitated and wish that person to stop. When someone we love passed away, we wish that person would still be alive with us. An untrained mind does not play by the rules or law of the universe. It does not live with reality. It takes in, hold on and grab whatever that it likes and push away or destroy all that it does not like.

2. By trying to satisfy our want only by changing what is outside of us we overlook the other half of happiness which is inside of us.

When we only work to change what is the outside of ourselves. We left our wants static, unchanging and unquestioned across time and space. But the fact of life is that we can’t always get what we want. Life does not always goes according to what we want. Often times than not, there are too many things in which we can not change the reality to be like how we want. These could be something as obvious as death, sickness, and old-age. It could be our inability to control others’ thought, speech, and action. It even could be something as trivial as a stomach-ache in which we can’t command it to stop being painful.


Reality is never satisfactory with our expanding minds wanting the impossible. With our untrained minds, we are stuck in the situation where we have unchanging want in an ever-changing reality, unrealistic want in a realistic reality, and an infinite want in a finite reality. And naturally, we end up being the ones who suffer.

In summary, the cause of our happiness depends on how much we can harmonize our wants with our reality. We all know how to change what is outside of us but not many people know how to change what is inside. The less you know about yourself and its nature, the less control you have over it. And inversely, the more unhappiness you will have in your life. I believe this is why Horace, a famous greek philosopher, said this:

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.”
– Horace

The next article, “How to Attain Happiness?”, will introduce to you to the other missing half of achieving True Happiness. It will introduce you to the basics of changing and improving oneself and how it is imperative to our happiness.


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